48 HABITS THAT BUILD A BEAUTIFUL MARRIAGE – PART 2

Continued from part 1

48 HABITS THAT BUILD A BEAUTIFUL MARRIAGE – PART 1

Emotional Health Habits

9.Surround yourself with the right friends

Having people around you with healthy marriages makes a difference in your marriage.  Stay away from friends who speak negatively about their spouse, your spouse or people in general. Instead surround yourself with friends who will encourage you to do the right things in difficult moments and will encourage you to serve your spouse not to keep score.  You need someone who will listen but not always agree with you, someone who will lift you up and not tear down your spouse and most importantly, someone who will pray for you.  We all need praying friends. Here is a link on building culture that will help you identify the right friends. https://davidjsuccess.com/building-a-strong-culture/

10. Have a coffee friend

You need someone you can just talk to about life.  It is usually not wise to have someone who works for you or that you pastor.  It should be a peer of the same sex, who will listen, can relate, encourage and process ideas.  Having the right friend you can just talk to is a mental game changer.

11. Have a challenger

You need someone in your life who sees and calls out the best in you even if it is not comfortable.  This is a person who motivates you to grow personally, spiritually, professionally, physically and financially.  A challenger will help move you forward in areas you may have avoided in the past.  A healthy marriage is a marriage where healthy growth is taking place in each individual.

12. HAVE A COUNSELOR

Find someone what you can unload your deep pains, secrets and insecurities on.  The vast majority of people aren’t equipped to carry your heaviest burdens and neither are you.  A counselor can make a big difference by making you feel heard and offering practical ways for you to process and respond to your thoughts, feelings and pain in a healthy way.  You will grow personally to the threshold of your properly processed pain.

13. HAVE A CONSULTANT OR COACH

Find someone who has been where you are and can teach you how to succeed.  A challenger will tell you to grow but a coach will teach you how.  Marriage conferences, podcasts and specialized consultants or trainers can show you practical ways to get from where you are to where you need to be spiritually, physically, emotionally or financially.  A good coach is more than worth the investment of time and money.

14. Grow

There is a great marriage on the other side of growth. You can’t become successful in any area of life, especially marriage, if you aren’t committed to growing, however, we often look at how our spouse needs to change but we need to change also.  That change is called growth.   I recommend becoming a reader, listening to podcasts, going to training or seminars.  Someone once said “you will be the same person you are today except for the books you read and the people you meet.”  Read the right books and be intentional to meet the right people.  Be a learner!

15. Encourage each others hobbies

Everyone needs an outlet and a way to recharge.  Couples can often have different interests like reading, fishing, hunting, golf, scrapbooking, gardening, biking, hiking, playing music, learning an instrument.  The list goes on…. The two of you may not have the same hobby but having a way to recharge is important.  It doesn’t have to be expensive and I would recommend starting with something convenient and inexpensive because many hobbies don’t last.  Also, try to find something you do together that you both enjoy.  My wife loves coffee and could live without it but I do love the cinnamon roles at the coffee shop we go to so we both enjoy it!  You may or may not always have the same hobby but having a way to recharge is important. 

PHYSICAL HEALTH habits

16. Exercise

Get in a rhythm of daily exercise.  This affects you mentally by raising your level of energy, confidence and ability to invest in your marriage.  Get on the elliptical, rowing machine, go for a run, pushups, planks, lift weights, walk… do something to active and fit.  My doctor say to get 30 minutes of cardio five times a week.  I have to admit I don’t always get it done but, when I do, I feel so much better for the investment in myself.  You will to.

17. Eat healthy

Healthy eating has an effect on your marriage because it has an effect on you physically and emotionally therefore indirectly affecting your marriage.  Eating healthy doesn’t happen by accident.  Eat clean protein like chicken, good carbs such as potatoes or rice and lots of vegetables like broccoli, green beans or salad.  Pre-plan your meals otherwise you will eat what is convenient and tastes good, not what is actually good for you.  Trust me, I like unhealthy food but I feel so much better when I eat clean. Sign up for at the bottom of this page for a soon coming blog on healthy meal prepping.

FINANCIAL HEALTH

18. Build a monthly budget together

Money is a huge issue that either brings unity or stress into marriage.  A budget is a plan on how you will save, invest and spend your money.  One person said a budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.  There are lot’s of great apps and budgeting tools available to help you manage your money.  Ramsey solutions is a great resource for learning to budget. Here is a link to Ramsey Solution’s free budgeting app https://www.ramseysolutions.com/ramseyplus/everydollar?srsltid=AfmBOoqhdCn_bKVh89Zn5WhNrhlfDmAqJFBuqJoexppsNfMzP44uo5fT. 

Sign up below and look out for my blog on the “Five Jars” method for budgeting.

19. Communicate about money

Many couples don’t communicate about money until it is a serious point of frustration.  Communicate about your vision, dreams, goals and strategies.  If you struggle in a certain area of finances. Grow.  Set up a monthly budgeting meeting and lay out your budget before the new month starts.  Talk about saving, investing, generosity and spending.  Be patient understanding and show grace toward your spouse.  Take a break if you need to but come back and work together.  You will find fulfillment in learning to communicate about money successfully.

20. Share bank accounts

People who don’t learn share accounts have a much deeper trust issues and will be difficult to succeed in marriage.  If you can’t trust each other and work together financially there will always be a barrier keeping you from a truly great marriage. It is a process and it isn’t easy but it is important to be united in everything you do.

21. Invest for retirement

Saving for retirement has a positive impact on your marriage by increasing communication, vision, building trust and a sense of overall security and unity. Set something aside from each paycheck in a retirement account and invest it in something with a long track record of good returns. Get with a professional, ask questions and educate yourself. Investing for retirement is not something you want to procrastinate about. Knowing you are building for retirement together brings another layer of unity and security into your marriage.

SPIRITUAL HEALTH

22. Go to church together

A church family is important to a godly marriage.  A church allows you to be challenged, hear from God, be encouraged and build friendships.  Going to church regularly allows you to you put down roots and that is important in seasons of instability.  You church will be a source of stability for you and your family if the church is healthy.  There will be fads and 

23. Have a daily devotional life

It is important to have your own devotional life. You need a place, time and process for reading your bible, journaling, and praying. Keep an eye out for my blog on the SOAP method of reading the Bible and journaling. It is also really important to have a devotional time together as a family each night. Set an alarm and make devotion a priority.

24. Listen to bible teaching or worship music

What you listen to has a great impact on your mind and your spirit. Listen to music that encourages you and infuses hope into your heart. Encourage yourself and build your faith by what you listen to. Stop listening to songs about cheating, leaving, heartbreak and insecurity. Fill your spirit with faith and hope.

25. Pray together

Take a moment to pray together each day and especially in hard seasons.  There is power and unity in prayer and agreement.  Prayer invites God into our lives. One day when we realize how much power there is in prayer, most of us will be sad that we didn’t pray more. 

26. Get in a small group

Surround yourself with friends from church that you live life with.  We need friends that we can talk to, be there for, laugh, cry and make memories with. Be selective though because you will become the five people closest to you over time. Choose friends who are humble, consistent, generous and team players.

SEXUAL HEALTH

Make sex a priority in marriage.  Sex is God’s plan for making babies but it also goes much further than that, it is an important part of a beautiful marriage.  Physical intimacy naturally lowers anxiety and connects two people spiritually, emotionally and physically.  The more healthy sex a married couple has, the more connected they become.

27. CreatE rhythms for intimate time

 Work to create a realistic schedule that will leave you both fulfilled.  Write a weekly schedule and adjust it each week until you come up with something that works for both of you. It may change from week to week but it helps to have a starting point. Make it a priority and it will have a positive impact on your marriage. Get those kids to bed, turn off the television and love each other.

28. Follow through

If you say it, do it. Make a plan and stick to it. Intentions or unkept promises, especially sexually, can be a major source of frustrations in a marriage. Sexual dependability is just as important as the level of romance or excitement.

29. Be understanding

Sometimes you and your spouse are not on the same page physically or emotionally.  There will be days like that.  It can be especially frustrating when you have been patiently waiting for an opportunity to be intimate and then it does not meet expectations.  Keep trying.  Try having a make up session the next day.  A little patience goes a long way when sex isn’t going the way you want.

30. Fill each others cup

Work to understand and meet each other’s sexual needs. The closer you keep each other to full, the better you both feel.  Communicate about what you each would like and try to serve and consider each other.  The best sex is truly an act of mutual selflessness that leaves you both fulfilled.

31. Get counseling for sexual addiction or abuse

Many people have been abused sexually or been exposed and created an addiction to pornography.  Many have tried things outside of marriage or unhealthy things within marriage that damaged the way you see or experience sex.  There is healing and lots of ministries available to help.  The key is confessing you need help and taking the first step.  No one is exempt from temptation but everyone can find healing.  Here is one pastor’s story of struggle and healing.  https://insight.org/resources/article-library/individual/breaking-point-one-pastor’s-story-of-pain-porn-addiction-and-redemption

48 HABITS THAT BUILD A BEAUTIFUL MARRIAGE – PART 3