RAISING GREAT KIDS
RAISING EMOTIONALLY, PROFESSIONALLY, FINANCIALLY AND SPIRITUALLY SUCCESSFUL KIDS.
Wondering how to raise great kids who love you and succeed emotionally, professionally, financially and spiritually? Here are 23 proven strategies.
Raising kids is hard, however raising great kids who love you and succeed is possible. Many people become overwhelmed when thinking about how to raise kids to succeed in life. Parents often focus on success in one or two areas of life but leave big gaps that become barriers in other areas of their kids lives. The reason is that many of us grew up with gaps in our own childhood, things we never learned and didn’t know that we didn’t know. How do we teach our kids things we don’t know? We learn. I hope these tips help you like they helped me over the 20 years I spent learning them.
How to raise great kids who love you and succeed emotionally.
- Tell your kids you love them. Raising Great kids starts with a foundation of love and the most important way for them to know they are loved is to hear it. The vast majority of parents love their kids but not as many express it clearly or often. Especially dads, we often spend more time telling them what they need to do, what they haven’t done or what they can do better. Tell them you love them every morning before they leave for school, every night before they go to bed and in the middle of day for no reason. Even when they mess up, you might think you are making them soft but you are actually making them secure. Kids who know they are loved typically excel in life and love in return.
- Hug your kids. Warm hugs and physical affection are a game changer for kids. Healthy physical touch releases oxytocin and affects many things from self esteem to how they deal with stress as adults. You may not have grown up in a hugging household but you can change that for your kids. By the way hugs aren’t just for daughters. As a pastor I work with many men who’s fathers didn’t show verbal or physical affection and the fallout can be heartbreaking. Even as an adult a hug can change the course of a persons life. Here is great blogs on showing affection to your kids. https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-a-parents-affection-shapes-a-childs-happiness-for-life/
- Tell your kids you are proud of them. Affirmation is a key to success in the life of a person. We are all drawn to people who believe in us and when that person is a parent, the effects are lifelong. Tell them you are proud of them both when they get things right and when they don’t. When they know you love them and are proud of them even when they make mistakes, they don’t perform for love, they will perform because they are loved. I’ve seen over and over, kids who know their parents believe in them thrive. I also do this for kids who don’t have parents who affirm them. Every kid needs to know someone believes in them and is proud of them.
- Have hard conversations calmly. Kids don’t always get it right but how we respond when they get it wrong is extremely important. There are moments where we need to have hard conversation and I’ve found it helpful to give yourself time to cool down, go offsite, take time to listen, respond with empathy and respect, point to your mission, vision, strategy and core values, tell them you love them, you are proud of them, you don’t expect them to be perfect but you do expect them to learn from mistakes and make good decisions moving forward. Your kids will grow up to appreciate the fact you had hard discussions with them in a constructive way and trust you when they need to talk in the future.
- Teach them the principles of discipline. Scripture teaches that a child who is not disciplined will grow to hate their parents. I won’t get into types of discipline but I will say that natural consequences and appropriate consequences are very important experiences for every child. Over the years I’ve seen parents who did not discipline their children for various reasons and the result is always the same. The child loses respect for the parent and eventually despises them. Loving discipline helps your child learn valuable life lessons while being reminded that you love them enough to do hard things.
- Create clear culture. One of the most important tools for parents to create a strong internal identity is to have a clear language. Culture is the sum of your stated mission, vision, strategy, values, and goals. Clarity is a powerful and priceless gift to your kids as they navigate life. A clear culture helps them make better and faster decisions in life. This will also help you decide what organization, events and activities you partner with based on whether they align with your culture. Here is a blog where I explain how to build strong culture. https://davidjsuccess.com/building-a-strong-culture/
- Take time to ask questions. As parents we have so much we want to say but the most important thing we can do is ask leading questions. Teenagers can often seem put out by parents asking how their day was or how football practice went but deep down they appreciate parents who care enough to ask. We often want to tell them what to do but asking leading questions is a way to help them come to the same answer while feeling like it was their idea. Become good at asking important question, let them wrestle with the answers and help guide them along the way.
- Take time to listen. Create a routine for listening to your kids is important to their emotional health. Susanna Wesley the mother of John and Charles Wesley was a great example of how to make time for each of your kids. Her husband was gone for long periods of time, leaving her to care for the family, essentially making her a single mom. She had a routine of taking one hour to talk to one child individually each evening of the week. As her kids grew up she became their greatest influence and trusted confidant. It isn’t what you say that will have the greatest impact but that you took time to be with them and listen.
- Hold off on the phone. We live in a world of technology in which the next generation has been consumed. They have access to so many things at the swipe of a screen, however many of the images and influences they encounter are destructive even deadly. Once a child gets a phone it becomes the focus of their life and gives the world access to their entire life. Here is an article on the effect of mobile phones on kids. https://www.weareteachers.com/phones-are-hurting-kids/
- Apologize when you get it wrong. As parents we try hard to do things the right way, to set a good example. But when we don’t, it is important to own it in humility. We want our kids to learn to succeed but they also need to see us fail with grace and learn to get up and do better rather than deny and get defensive. The most important lessons your kids learn may not be from your success but how you responded to failure. Become good at admitting when you don’t get it right and what you should have done instead.
- Talk early about relationships and the benefits of waiting to date. This can be controversial but I believe dating is for adulthood. Teenagers usually aren’t yet mentally developed to be able to handle the emotions that come with serious or physical relationships. Studies show that when a young person begins a relationship something else also begins. A surge of dopamine and adrenaline. This natural drug in your brain is released when something feels good like attention or physical affection. This dopamine makes it difficult to get out of wrong relationships and results in young people going back to unhealthy relationships or jumping from one relationship to another without taking time to recover or process. Talk about the timing and process of healthy dating. Waiting to start dating isn’t an absolute but it is really smart.
How to raise great kids who succeed professionally.
- Establish a daily routine. Habits are one of the most important factors in success. People don’t succeed on accident. Long term success isn’t the result of talent, skin color or any factor other than mental, physical and spiritual habits. Success is something you build on and work toward one day, one habit at a time. Here is a blog I wrote on daily habits that lead to lasting success. https://davidjsuccess.com/how-to-achieve-success-that-lasts/
- Read to your kids. Studies show that successful people read daily and you can start that habit with your children right now. Take time each night to read to them. Whether reading the Bible or other non-fiction books, reading helps expand their minds, sets them up for success in school and in life. Here is an article on the benefits of reading to your kids. https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/why-reading-aloud-to-kids-helps-them-thrive
- Turn off the television. The average person watches almost three hours of television each day. Translate that into reading, education or exercise and the effect on your kids mind, health and creativity can be staggering. Studies show that television has a negative effect on kids. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9923845/ Turn off the television and spend time with your kids, let them play, get some exercise and learn to focus.
- Have them read. Once your kids get to the point where they can read on their own, have them start reading each night or first thing after school. Reading about science, adventure, history or autobiographies helps them become thinkers and develops a discipline that will serve them well in their school and future career. Here are some statistics on kids who read daily. https://literacyproj.org/2019/02/14/30-key-child-literacy-stats-parents-need-to-be-aware-of/
- Teach them the value of investing in themselves. Many kids don’t like school and it can be a daily battle. Helping them understand that they are not just learning but investing in themselves. The more they know, the more they can do, the more they can earn and the more opportunities they will have to do what they like instead of what is available. Mentorships, internships, trade school, associates, undergraduate, masters, doctorates, continuing education and personal reading are all ways to invest in themselves. As a parent you can be intentional even if they may not. I’ve sat down my kids to watch a YouTube video or read an article I found that would add value to them, professionally, financially or spiritually. Expose them to the habits of successful people. Here is a link to my blog on the habits of millionaires. https://davidjsuccess.com/16-habits-of-millionaires/
- Get them a coach. In my life and in raising my kids, I have learned the value of a coach. As you establish goals or discover talents or strengths that your child may have, get a coach or mentor who can teach or train them to succeed in certain areas. A coach will always get more out of them than they will get out of themselves and your kids will listen to them at times they might not listen to you. A few examples of areas you may get a coach are sports training, academic tutoring, budgeting, college application processes…. Coaching isn’t just for your kids. Even as an adult and pastor I have a coach. Good coaches take you further and are always worth the time and money.
How to raise great kids who succeed financially.
- Teach your kids financial literacy. Many kids, as well as many of their parents, don’t know how to manage finances well and this becomes a major setback and source of anxiety. There are many great resources that help kids learn to manage and multiply money successfully. One of the most helpful things I have seen to help kids succeed with money is the 5 jars method of managing money. Here is a great video I found on this method. https://youtu.be/kb48Mmq6RUQ?si=XjjeL5gIKf0AQrNR Another great resource is Ramsey solutions resource for teaching kids to budget. https://www.ramseysolutions.com/relationships/teaching-your-kids-about-money#:~:text=As%20they%20earn%20money%2C%20help,goals%20they’ve%20already%20set. Teaching kids these principles early will set them up for long term financial success.
- Teach them to stay out of debt. Debt is not a good thing. It is a setback so teach them to pay cash for everything. Start this conversation at a young age. There may be a time when you intentionally borrow money for a mortgage or a short term vehicle loan but teach them to live debt free, go to college debt free and how to save up for things they want instead of financing it. Debt is bondage and learning to save and pay cash is empowering. I have spent time teaching young adults in our church how to succeed with finances and they turned to me with tears in their eyes and said “thank you” because the only thing they had ever learned from their parents was how to live in debt.
How to raise great kids who succeed spiritually.
- Make church a priority. Get in a church that teaches the Bible and be consistent. Spiritual community is a key for kids who succeed spiritually. Many parents prioritize sports or hobbies above church at the expense of their kids spiritual success. Our two oldest boys were very successful in their high school athletic careers. Both of them could have played college football, our oldest chose ministry and our second son received an offer and is planning on playing in college this fall. We made a commitment that our kids would not miss church for sports. They worked hard, worked with coaches while prioritizing their spiritual well being and faith community while prioritizing church each Sunday. It can be done. Also, there is no perfect church and there never will be, so choose to stay and find solutions, don’t leave, when problems arise. Long term church stability is important in their spiritual formation.
- Pray with your kids. Kids who succeed spiritually have at least one spiritual experience in the home weekly. Praying with your kids, reading the Bible or devotion together, listening to worship music and singing together at home all shape your kids spiritual identity and give them a vision for what their lives, family and home will look like one day. A spiritual experience at home helps them to understand that worship isn’t just what they do at church but how they live their lives.
- Volunteer in your church. When kids see their parents volunteer in church it raises the importance of church in their minds. When kids also serve in a ministry with their parents, the church becomes theirs and not just their parent’s. Encourage them to get involved somewhere and they will begin to take long term ownership and feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment that comes from serving others.
- Find a faith filled mentor for them. Sometimes parents have a hard time getting through to their kids because of the familiarity. Kids need an adult other than their parent who can speak truth into their lives. Find a mentor for them that you can talk to and that will reinforce the same things that you are teaching your kids. Be careful in your selection of a mentor. Have a conversation with them about what you would like to accomplish and your expectations. This is the value of being connected long term to a church. Here is a blog on the five things that kids who stay in church have in common. https://www.96five.com/stories/faith/2023/why-young-people-are-moving-away-from-faith/
Summary: Like I said, raising great kids is hard, but with a game plan you will help them succeed emotionally, professionally, financially, spiritually and they will love you in the end. They may not always agree with or be happy with you, especially in their teenage years, but all the hard work will be more than worth it. Be consistent. If you mess up, own it, apologize and start again. Raising great kids isn’t about being perfect but being intentional. You can do it! May God’s anointing be on you for the calling He has placed upon you as a parent. I’m proud of you. You should join my mailing list to receive new blogs to help you succeed.
David Jason