HELPING YOUR KIDS LOVE GOD AND THE CHURCH
Do you want your kids to love God genuinely and like going to church? Statistics tell us that upward of 75% of young people raised in church fall away after high school. Those who do come back do so on average somewhere in their early to mid 30’s, carrying 20 years of baggage and brokenness. A wise person once said it is easier to keep someone from being broken than to fix someone who has. The good news is that there are specific reasons why young adults to stay in church. Here are a several specific ways that you can help your child or teenager have a thriving relationship with God as well as stay planted in a church body.
Pray with your kids every day.
Nothing fosters genuine honest faith like kneeling or sitting down with a parent, grandparent or caretaker and talking to God. You don’t have to be polished, just be honest and pray for what you need and what you are feeling. Pray for your child, relatives, school, upcoming events and just talk to God like a normal person who can help. What you will find is that your child begins to think about God not as a far off figure but a close friend that they can talk to when they are afraid, in the middle of a test or struggling with temptation. Keep praying with your kids through their teenage years and into adulthood. Prayer will become a sacred place they go every day for direction and to spend time with their Heavenly Father.
Read the Bible with your child at least weekly and challenge them to read daily.
Listening is an important part of any relationship and it is no different in our relationship with God. Reading the Bible is a form of taking time to listen to what God has said to us every day and transforming our thinking from the earthly to the eternal. Reading the Bible builds faith and creates spiritual hunger and awareness. When building faith is not just something they do on Sunday but something they do at home and with their parents, it has the effect of shaping a young person’s identity. Worship is not just something they do at church but we are a worshippers. Check out my blog on 5 daily habits that help your kids succeed.
Take your kids to church every week
Many people have traded going to church on the weekend for going to the ball field, court or some other sport or hobby and the result is that kids think church is optional and comes somewhere down on the list of priorities below sports or hobbies. It can be tough and unpopular but you have to decide what is the most important thing you can teach your child, to succeed in sports, to sleep in, or to grow in their relationship with God. Kids church?
Take your kids to kids church or youth group every week.
It is extremely important for teenagers to have a faith community of kids their age. Choose a church with a kids or youth pastor that teaches the Bible and how to apply it to their lives. This will be a place where your kids build friendships and develop their faith with kids they will grow up with.
Attend church where your kids attend youth group.
Many kids go to youth group with their friends but not at the same church they attend and that can be an issue because they are not putting down roots in one place. I encourage parents to begin attending where their kids are going to youth if it is a good bible church because this will allow their teenager to grow spiritually with their friends as a part of a spiritual formation process from birth to adult hood not just a drive through experience during a season of their life that will leave them wondering what to do when their teenage years are over.
Get in a church that values and invests in young adults.
Attending a church with a young adults ministry will give your kids exposure to who they will be soon. It will happen sooner than you think and many parents there kids education and career but fail to think about their kids spiritual formation after high school. After high school is when young people have some of the most important questions of their life and being around a community of young adults that are also wanting to honor God is encouraging and a steadying influence in an unsteady season.
Eat dinner with your family five night per week.
Kids long for security and eating together as a family provides an anchor in their lives. They experience so much in school, social media and around their friends that it is critical to have that time to reset as a family. They carry so much mentally that they need a time where they can be encouraged, talk, process and unpack what they experienced. Dinner together also gives parents an opportunity to get a pulse on how their kids are doing. When we take time to turn off the television, put away the phones and eat, laugh and look each other in the eye, we connect. This connectedness is extremely important to our kids, our relationship with them and to their future success.The family is under attack because Satan knows if he can divide or destroy the family, he can have the next generation and if he can have the next generation, he can have the world.
Make everything a mission field.
Wherever you are, remind your kids they are there to be an influence and they are a leader. They are not there by accident but to be an influence on their friends, teammates, classmates and coaches. Remind them that other’s lives, their schools and church will be different because they were there. They may not understand it at first but over time, not only will they understand but they will believe it. Encourage them to invite their friends, teachers, and coaches to youth group or church on special occasions and after they show up take time to privately and genuinely celebrate your child for the influence they had on someone’s life and eternity. You duplicate what you celebrate so celebrate influence and leadership
Serve in a ministry with your family.
Families who serve together stay together. In a world with so many opportunities and entertainment, the next generations is looking for purpose. They want to do something that really matters and makes a difference and at the same time want to be part of a community of difference makers. Kids who serve in a ministry with their family, begin to see themselves as having a purpose and being capable of making a difference in someone’s life. One of the easiest and most fulfilling things for kids to do is serve down. If they are in youth group, to get involved in kids church, if they are a young adult to serve in youth group. It is also very helpful to be part of a church that believes in and creates opportunities for the next generation to serve alongside their parents or other adults in various ministries in the church. I’ve seen kids serve in church and that is great, but when their parents are also serving somewhere in the same ministry, it is a game changer.
Trust them with responsibility in ministry
Kids love ownership. Allowing kids to lead or carry some sort of responsibility in the church changes the dynamic from “my parents church” to “my church”. Let them serve along side competent leaders, encourage them to be faithful, consistent, learn and be a team player. Before long opportunities will arise for them to do something important like run the sound board or a computer in kids church, a camera in adult service and next thing you know they will be helping produce content or teaching lessons in church. Help them embrace responsibility and be faithful by making them follow through when they sign up or say yes to an invitation. They can quit or change areas of ministry but make sure they do it the right way and teach them to show up and plan healthy transitions into another ministry.
Have a person other than their parents who helps them grow spiritually.
Be intentional, strategic and organic about creating friendships in the church with other families, parents or leaders because they will have a critical impact on your kids. Be faithful and choose friends in church who are faithful and that have the same values and culture you are trying to create for your kids. Invite them over for dinner and go out together, create group texts and opportunities for your kids to interact in a group setting with these trusted adults who will one day have an opportunity to speak into the life of your child, teenager or young adult when they may not listen to you. Along the way these influential adults in your child’s life can reinforce the decisions you are making and add credibility. This will be a small circle, and there will be many more people in the church that you won’t want to direct your child’s decisions, but they are priceless in their influence on your child.
check out this article by Steff Willis that discusses helping young people succeed in their faith. https://www.96five.com/stories/faith/2023/why-young-people-are-moving-away-from-faith/
Become who you want your kids to be.
Kids will do what you do not what you say. They have a better chance of doing something they have seen done. From praying, to reading your Bible to volunteering in church, let them see you do it. You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be growing and clarity on what you do why you do it and how you do it creates a sense of direction and strength in every individual. Some things I have found extremely important and creating a strong culture is a clear mission vision, strategy, values, and goals. I’ve seen it change, families and organizations alike. But it is a game changer for the next generation to begin to understand the building blocks of a strong and healthy culture. Here’s a link to my blog on building a strong culture.
Show grace.
No church is perfect. People, even leadership, will fall short and make mistakes. Take it in stride, believe the best about people, teach them to love people and extend grace the way we would want it extended toward us. Teach them to talk to people not about people and how to fight for people not with people. We are one body. We are imperfect but together we are much better than we could ever be alone.
Sign up to receive new blogs and resources here.